a goodbye

I am, as all other humans in this currently intense world moment, trying to process rapid change and unsettling uncertainty as I settle down into a period of isolation. Home is safe and for that I am grateful, but my heart aches for those who do not have this privilege. May you land in a place you can nestle with comfort and care as soon as possible.

Endings have always been painful for me, but this one came unexpectedly and without time to have meaningful processing or to honor those people and places that matter. I am grieving, and scared. But this I will learn to carry, as I have in the past.

The feeling of disconnection and separation is great, but we find creative ways to alleviate this. My body is mine, still, and she is here with me always. We will dance through all the feelings that arise, the fear and the stress and the sadness and the anger, to reach joy and healing. Now is a time of unexpected discovery. 

A brief freewrite:

"My body is sad, but honoring the heaviness and allowing it space to live out its time, it is part of this dance. So grateful to move my body with the copresence of people out in the world, I wiggle the heaviness out like a worm in a rainstorm. Dizzy, spinning, its disorienting alone. 

I miss my sanctuaries and my dancer humans, but I am slowly learning the process of melding. This space, in my house, my childhood oozing out of the walls, melds to my dance body and we shyly become acquainted. In time, I say, we will release fully into movement liberation"


Comments

  1. KitreaApril 22, 2020 at 8:33 PM

    This really got me in the feels. I'm in tears. Watching you dance is always beautiful but this is something that words can't capture. gasdfasfhfal;sdfjh;lh such a beautiful dance.
    That studio is such a special home to us. I went back there so many times to say last goodbyes to the space before leaving. This dance took me back to that headspace.
    The lighting - the greys of the room with you dancing as a silhouette against the beaming bright open window (esp where we can't see what's behind it in this shot --- it's just a bright unknown light that could be scary but enticing and so many other things! ) --- helps me see this dance in an all-the-more poetic/meaningful way.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The sharp, loving bite of Mother Nature's Winds

Image
Last weekend, we went down south to Patagonia, to a national park called Torres del Paine. It is one of the farthest points in Chile, and as soon as we landed in Punta Arenas, I could feel the power of the air and the mountains surrounding us, as it was so fresh and carried a tangible spark, an electrical current in the air. In fact, it felt a lot like the air at the top of Camel's Hump or Mt. Moosilauke during fall when the sun is out but the wind is cold and powerful. It made me miss home. Vermont will always be so special to me! Torres del Paine is a massive expanse of protected wilderness, so we only saw a glimpse of its full potential. But what we did get to see and experience was delightful! The water is so fresh and cold and literally as pure as can be as it all comes from glaciers. The mountains are strikingly tall and jagged, covered in snow and ice and constantly circled by turbulent clouds. We also saw so many animals! While I've been thoroughly enjoying the city lif
Read more

practicing being a succulent wild woman

Image
Last weekend, I went to San Pedro de Atacama, truly one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. Whenever I travel, I can't help but reflect on how incredible this world is! We all have to take more time to appreciate it. Having already been to the far south of Chile, seeing the other extreme was a gift, and especially magical because the landscape and natural phenomena in San Pedro de Atacama are breathtaking. Many times I did not feel like I was on earth, and the fact that I was made it all the more incredible. To be honest, what was really magical about that weekend was the sheer intensity and beauty of traveling by myself! This world tells us women we have to restrict ourselves and move about with fear--and a lot of this is justified, society is filled with violence and pain! But the truth is that it is totally possible and joyful and liberating to travel alone! As long as I was smart and conscious of my whereabouts, it was totally safe. The experience reminded me of
Read more

the body

Image
The summer of 2020 has cautiously crept towards us over the last few weeks, often retreating into hiding for a tad longer and then slamming us with sweltering humidity. Unpredictability in weather feels fitting to the social context we live in. Life is a contrast. Staying home, nestling with loved ones, trying in vain to develop any sort of  ritualistic routine for the day to day;  Masked up and marching, confronting as a recent college graduate the erratic world of pandemic and the uprising against the perpetual state of white supremacy of our nation. This body always reminds me of rhythm when I feel it is missing. She is saturated with cyclical life; menstruation, emotion, blood, oxygen. Her heartbeat. When everything feels a bit lost, this is what I come back to.  Black Lives Matter. I am encouraging, urging, insisting everyone get involved in this antiracist movement and support Black people. There are a wide variety of ways to do this and I hope we all take the time to mak
Read more